Speaking as an old (1976) who got online very early due to technical parents, I bristle at the idea that it was better before, because of how starved we were in the before times for information beyond the statistical middle. But it's also not better than before for the reasons you claim? As I read I suddenly remembered my Clay Shirky:
> Clay Shirky describes how, during the early industrial revolution, the sudden and massive urbanization brought unprecedented population density to cities, but few social services or civic institutions like museums or organized sports existed at first. Caught in these disorienting and stressful new environments, people turned to gin as a way to cope, resulting in widespread public drunkenness—what Shirky calls a "collective bender." Only after this phase did society begin developing the civic institutions that would allow urban life to thrive, such as public libraries, museums, and education systems.
> This account is factually accurate in its broad strokes. Shirky cites the historical "Gin Craze" in 18th-century London, during which rapid urbanization and the lack of social infrastructure coincided with massive gin consumption, often blamed for social disorder and public health crises. Historians agree that, as urban challenges became better managed and new civic organizations arose, the population gradually shifted from such "anesthesia" (like gin) toward more structured and positive social activities.
100%. The internet and phones as technologies without looking at the sociocultural uglier consequences are incredible. Hard to overstate how much I owe to the internet. As you say, I just highlighted the uglier side. It's what it is but it could've been something else starting from the same substrate but with a different set of incentives.
Thank you for this important piece, Alberto. I think you’re right that smartphone addiction is modeled from parent to child.
That may be why, also like almost any addiction—from alcohol, to chocolate, to gambling, to caffeine, to rage—some people seem to not have a problem with phone usage.
If they do use TikTok or Reels or X or Substack Notes, it’s for only a few minutes at a time and they can pick up on propaganda, fear bait, and salt mining without difficulty and scroll on it without delay.
Other people—often the ones we online types encounter most and sometimes mistake for all of humanity—have dopamine systems that nature has fine tuned for escape from emotions and the empty calories of digital “connection.” A kind of connection that is like salt water that only deepens the underlying thirst.
But it’s those who suffer with the least quality that suffer in the greatest quantities.
If I numb out instead of turn inward when challenging feelings like loneliness arise, loneliness will occur more often.
If I focus on interoception—feeling, from the inside, my loneliness, anxiety, anger, or whatever triggers the urge to numb via phone—I find it has a lesson for me.
Small world network effects brings the stuff you were once insulated from when the world was groups of groups right to you, every day. That can be good and bad, but being who we are, we focus on the bad. So in this way, at least, your kids, and my grandkids, do, in my opinion, have it worse than every generation that has come before, despite being surrounded by relative opulence and ease. Ditching the phone doesn’t remove the six-degrees of networked abuse to their self confidence and self worth . We can’t go back; this generation will need cognitive resilience and wisdom. As their guardians and protectors, do what you can to defend them from the corrosive petty judgement of the small world network and make sure you teach them to know that they are loved and valued. The objective: a child who doesn’t give one shit about what “they” say - but wants only to support and make proud the people they know and love and to be happy in life. The rest will sort itself out, Good luck out there.
Indeed, it has so much potential benefit that it's sad those who make and sell this technology wouldn't focus more on that. It's all about the money for survival but is there no one left with higher sensibility toward the craft of "making good things for people"?
I love your writing Alberto. Thank you for this piece. It’s thought-provoking. I appreciate the emphasis on modeling better behavior to our children. I think the example we set in our family life is critical, as you point out so well, and this piece inspires me to think of alternatives to doing it on my phone. A land line - gasp? Maybe engaging in the lost art of letter writing?? Any option to slow down, to savor, and to disconnect from the Matrix seems like a step forward in enhancing mental health and well-being.
That sounds awesome. As for me, I read a lot on physical paper. Unfortunately my job requires me to be online more time than I'd like. But I find time to be completely disconnected, without my phone or computer in sight. The mind is grateful.
Great piece. Ive created a commentary-fiction hybrid with the topic of phone addiction. If you’re looking for more perspective on this complex subject check out this! Thank you <3
In my family none of us are really phone addicted, but everything in Fyodor's essay applies equally to internet or screen addiction more broadly. I only look at my phone when I'm out and it's usually to start a playlist or podcast, Strava or whatever. When I have my laptop close I'm glued to it, like right now. So much of what I do on it is not really helpful or soul-enriching. Reading this blog is an exception.
Thank you Joel. I agree it's screens rather than phones. I use phones as a stand-in, because I think more generally it's phones that are keeping people glued to a screen. But anyway, thank you for that last line! :)
Hi George. I agree. The source is us. But it's manifested through our phones. Sometimes looking inside and looking outside at once is the best approach.
Good article, and as you highlighted, family is just one part of the puzzle. I think social environment has even greater influence: friends, media, neighborhood, schoolmates, culture and so on. Our children spend proportionally more time with others than with us, their parents. Yes, we can and should control smartphone usage within our family. But the rest? depends on our social community, schools and gov policies. As you suggested, let’s do our parenting part.
But let me recall that this is a complex problem with intricate causes and risks that are being analyzed with a lot of research in the cyberpsychology field. Besides smartphone addiction on family, I´m even more concerned about the risks that it could cause on our kids like cyberbullying, online extorsion and abuse, risky behaviors, id theft and so on. So, I recommend parents to get more information and educate them on the psychology of the new digital environment we are living in to do a better parenting job. Times has changed.
Yes I agree that this problem has many parts. I was emphasizing how it begins. Most kids first contact with the phone is through the parents, much sooner than they have friends or their friends have phones. In latter's stages the influence changes, of course
Speaking as an old (1976) who got online very early due to technical parents, I bristle at the idea that it was better before, because of how starved we were in the before times for information beyond the statistical middle. But it's also not better than before for the reasons you claim? As I read I suddenly remembered my Clay Shirky:
https://www.perplexity.ai/search/please-summarize-clay-shirky-s-sGGt8GQ3TV27r5gkmnAgsA
> Clay Shirky describes how, during the early industrial revolution, the sudden and massive urbanization brought unprecedented population density to cities, but few social services or civic institutions like museums or organized sports existed at first. Caught in these disorienting and stressful new environments, people turned to gin as a way to cope, resulting in widespread public drunkenness—what Shirky calls a "collective bender." Only after this phase did society begin developing the civic institutions that would allow urban life to thrive, such as public libraries, museums, and education systems.
> This account is factually accurate in its broad strokes. Shirky cites the historical "Gin Craze" in 18th-century London, during which rapid urbanization and the lack of social infrastructure coincided with massive gin consumption, often blamed for social disorder and public health crises. Historians agree that, as urban challenges became better managed and new civic organizations arose, the population gradually shifted from such "anesthesia" (like gin) toward more structured and positive social activities.
100%. The internet and phones as technologies without looking at the sociocultural uglier consequences are incredible. Hard to overstate how much I owe to the internet. As you say, I just highlighted the uglier side. It's what it is but it could've been something else starting from the same substrate but with a different set of incentives.
Londoner rhyming slang for gin, of course, is Mother's Ruin...
Thank you for this important piece, Alberto. I think you’re right that smartphone addiction is modeled from parent to child.
That may be why, also like almost any addiction—from alcohol, to chocolate, to gambling, to caffeine, to rage—some people seem to not have a problem with phone usage.
If they do use TikTok or Reels or X or Substack Notes, it’s for only a few minutes at a time and they can pick up on propaganda, fear bait, and salt mining without difficulty and scroll on it without delay.
Other people—often the ones we online types encounter most and sometimes mistake for all of humanity—have dopamine systems that nature has fine tuned for escape from emotions and the empty calories of digital “connection.” A kind of connection that is like salt water that only deepens the underlying thirst.
But it’s those who suffer with the least quality that suffer in the greatest quantities.
If I numb out instead of turn inward when challenging feelings like loneliness arise, loneliness will occur more often.
If I focus on interoception—feeling, from the inside, my loneliness, anxiety, anger, or whatever triggers the urge to numb via phone—I find it has a lesson for me.
A lesson that leads to less of it.
Thank you Geoff. Bless those who don't have to go through this!
Thank you for introducing me to Fyodor. He's a brilliant writer.
As for phones, I believe the fault lies not in our devices but in ourselves.
I read your Substack on my iPhone, where I spend 99% of my online time.
Like any tool, its merits are a function of how it’s used. It
Beautiful and insightful.
More parents need this message.
More kids need this message.
More politicians and educators need this message.
Small world network effects brings the stuff you were once insulated from when the world was groups of groups right to you, every day. That can be good and bad, but being who we are, we focus on the bad. So in this way, at least, your kids, and my grandkids, do, in my opinion, have it worse than every generation that has come before, despite being surrounded by relative opulence and ease. Ditching the phone doesn’t remove the six-degrees of networked abuse to their self confidence and self worth . We can’t go back; this generation will need cognitive resilience and wisdom. As their guardians and protectors, do what you can to defend them from the corrosive petty judgement of the small world network and make sure you teach them to know that they are loved and valued. The objective: a child who doesn’t give one shit about what “they” say - but wants only to support and make proud the people they know and love and to be happy in life. The rest will sort itself out, Good luck out there.
Indeed, it has so much potential benefit that it's sad those who make and sell this technology wouldn't focus more on that. It's all about the money for survival but is there no one left with higher sensibility toward the craft of "making good things for people"?
I love your writing Alberto. Thank you for this piece. It’s thought-provoking. I appreciate the emphasis on modeling better behavior to our children. I think the example we set in our family life is critical, as you point out so well, and this piece inspires me to think of alternatives to doing it on my phone. A land line - gasp? Maybe engaging in the lost art of letter writing?? Any option to slow down, to savor, and to disconnect from the Matrix seems like a step forward in enhancing mental health and well-being.
That sounds awesome. As for me, I read a lot on physical paper. Unfortunately my job requires me to be online more time than I'd like. But I find time to be completely disconnected, without my phone or computer in sight. The mind is grateful.
Great piece. Ive created a commentary-fiction hybrid with the topic of phone addiction. If you’re looking for more perspective on this complex subject check out this! Thank you <3
https://hearthaven.substack.com/p/the-illusion-of-fulfillment
In my family none of us are really phone addicted, but everything in Fyodor's essay applies equally to internet or screen addiction more broadly. I only look at my phone when I'm out and it's usually to start a playlist or podcast, Strava or whatever. When I have my laptop close I'm glued to it, like right now. So much of what I do on it is not really helpful or soul-enriching. Reading this blog is an exception.
Thank you Joel. I agree it's screens rather than phones. I use phones as a stand-in, because I think more generally it's phones that are keeping people glued to a screen. But anyway, thank you for that last line! :)
Hi George. I agree. The source is us. But it's manifested through our phones. Sometimes looking inside and looking outside at once is the best approach.
Good article, and as you highlighted, family is just one part of the puzzle. I think social environment has even greater influence: friends, media, neighborhood, schoolmates, culture and so on. Our children spend proportionally more time with others than with us, their parents. Yes, we can and should control smartphone usage within our family. But the rest? depends on our social community, schools and gov policies. As you suggested, let’s do our parenting part.
But let me recall that this is a complex problem with intricate causes and risks that are being analyzed with a lot of research in the cyberpsychology field. Besides smartphone addiction on family, I´m even more concerned about the risks that it could cause on our kids like cyberbullying, online extorsion and abuse, risky behaviors, id theft and so on. So, I recommend parents to get more information and educate them on the psychology of the new digital environment we are living in to do a better parenting job. Times has changed.
Yes I agree that this problem has many parts. I was emphasizing how it begins. Most kids first contact with the phone is through the parents, much sooner than they have friends or their friends have phones. In latter's stages the influence changes, of course
Fyodor is an AI?! 🤖
I really don't think so haha